My 10-day Silent Vipassana Mediation Experience

I've always been into the "spiritual" side of things, which for my mom - a devout christian - is not ideal. So, when I told her I wanted to attend a 10-day silent meditation retreat in the middle of nowhere - where they also made you cut off contact with the outside world - she was terrified. In her mind, I was running off to join a cult, perhaps a nudist cult, God forbid. Lucky for her, I came back clothed and sans brainwash. It was not a cult - just a bunch of hippies. - Julia

I've met some interesting characters in my day

Throughout my travels, and just life in general, I've stumbled across some very, very, interesting characters. I don't know how, but I always find myself in the most peculiar situations. I've rubbed shoulders with famous photographers, prestigious investment bankers, gone camping with a famous Australian football player, and a number of other characters that still seem to surprise me. However, my most favourite type of characters are the ones that are so vastly different to myself, perhaps because they remind me of my inner bare-foot hippie, the ones that are content with nothing as they already have everything that they need, themselves - deep, I know. 

Friends of friends

Whilst visiting a friend in Vancouver, a fellow hippie, I was introduced to his fellow hippies. We woke at five each morning, did yoga nearly every day, ate a clean diet, and had a life coaching session with a Reiki master - the usual way to spend time in Vancouver. 

On the way home from a yoga sesh, a (new) fellow hippie mentioned she was then off to her meditation centre. wahhhhhht? 

You see, I come from a small town, a very small town. I knew meditation was a thing, but I had no idea they could have an entire centre dedicated to it. Was this like a church? A Mosque? I had no idea. Instantly, I was intrigued. 

She mentioned that she had joined the meditation centre upon return from her 10-day silent meditation retreat. What? Silence? For 10 days? What kind of cult was this? Still, intrigued - slightly more hesitantly - I asked her what she got out of it. She said that it had really helped her clear her mind, be more productive ( I categorize 'productivity' in my top 10 list of favourite words), and just gain a better understanding of self. To provide more context, the woman in which I was speaking to is the ultimate #GirlBoss. She’s a world traveller who now runs a program to encourage young girls to reach their goals. Super. Cool. 

I was really intrigued by this whole mediation thing, especially the retreat, but I was about to head to Australia and it’s about a 3-month waitlist to attend a retreat. So, I let it marinate on the back burner.

(About) 1 year later

I had just returned home from Australia and was about to attend university for the first time - I had a lot of thoughts going through my head. I had just been on this whirlwind of an adventure, met the most amazing people, lived my absolute best life - and now, I was home. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to attend university. I’d always been stereotypically “smart,” but I was 2 years out of school. I didn’t remember anything from my math classes - I didn’t even know if I remembered how to study. I think we’re all very multi-dimensional - and I had just spent 2 years discovering a whole new side (dimension, if you will) of myself, and now I had to go back to being a student? A business student. I was stressed. 

I figured I needed to give myself some headspace. So, I signed up for the 10-day silent meditation retreat. My mother thought I needed therapy. 

The Retreat

I drove myself to the retreat which is about 4 hours away from my parents home. My mother insisted I call her as soon as I get there - and if possible, convince them to let me keep my phone throughout the stay. 

I arrived at a gravel parking lot full of cars, which somehow surprised me. I Imagined everyone would have shown up on a bike or a horse-drawn carriage, something environmentally friendly and wildly hipster. I was greeted by very friendly staff, who promptly took away my phone and car keys. They then explained the rules of the grounds which are as follows:

- No cell phones

- No reading

- No exercising

- Absolutely no communication, talking or otherwise, unless to the meditation instructor

- No outside foods. We would eat breakfast promptly at 5 am and lunch at 11 am. Dinner? No. 

- Follow the mediation schedule, which consisted of morning meditation, afternoon meditation, and evening meditation. Not surprising, this was a meditation retreat. 

She then handed me a map with directions to my room. Everything was much more modern than I had imagined. The rooms were nice and clean, and so was the bathroom. Not cult like at all. I didn't even pass by a single nudist. 

Men and women were separated - so the men could focus without the potential of a possible erection from seeing one of our shoulders. I would be sharing a room with another girl, I have no idea what her name is/was. We weren't allowed to communicate. 

There were probably about 75 people at the retreat and I thought it would be hard not talking to anyone, especially when I was sharing a room with a stranger. But in fact, it was quite easy not to talk. No one was talking, so it somehow seemed normal. 

Meditating

As instructed, I had purchased an alarm clock from the dollar store to ensure that I wake up for morning mediation - just in case I didn't hear the gong go off. Yes, there was a gong - naturally. The grounds were in the middle of a forest, so with a flashlight, at 4 am, I guided myself to the meditation hall. I saw a deer - I nearly shit myself. 

After nearly shitting myself, I was surprisingly wide awake for 4 am. I gathered my meditation pillow and found a seat on the floor. Only one hour until breakfast - I could do this. About 5 minutes in, I fell asleep - in a cross-legged seated position. My ability to sleep anywhere will never fail to surprise me. I woke up when I started to hear myself snore (#NoShame). I quickly looked around and notice that I wasn't the only one who had fallen asleep. Thank God. 

It was finally time for breakfast and we all silently danced our way to the dining hall. To interject - the food here was amazing, like so so good, I was not expecting this at all. After eating breakfast in silence, it was break time. Aka time to wander around the forest - what else were you supposed to do?

This is the part that got me. Have you ever been alone with yourself? I mean, truly alone. This was my first time, and it was equally as scary as it was exciting. I was surrounded by complete silence and yet I felt like I was screaming. This was not what I was expecting from a meditation retreat. Wasn't I suppose to feel zen and on cloud 9? Somehow being able to access full brain capacity and find out the meaning of life? Basically an acid trip, without the acid? So, what was wrong? It was only my first day and I was already "failing" at meditation. 

I quickly learned that this was normal and eventually, I was able to quiet my mind a little bit more. 

The mediations were briefly led by S.N. Goenka and he instructed us on the techniques of Vipassana Meditation. He explained that Vipassana was not related to any religion (or cult) and that it was simply a technique - my mom would be thrilled.

Over the next few days, I followed the schedule, I continued to meditate - and I continued to fall asleep. Sick. At first, it somehow seemed to get harder; sitting for hours on end, quieting the mind, being alone with my thoughts - it was difficult. I started crying during a meditation session at one point - why? I don't know. I told you, it's hard to be alone with yourself. Eventually, I did get better. I could feel myself improving. I could feel myself learning more about, me. It was the first time I ever had a chance to get to know myself - again, deep, I know. 

I'd spend the days meditating and walking throughout the forest. I let myself think about everything, and let myself be okay with it. I was learning so much.

On the last day, we were able to talk to each other. I never realized how amazing talking could be - and I never realized how important it was to listen. I had just listened to nothing but the sounds of the forest for the past 10 days, so when someone spoke it almost seemed magical (yea, yea, deep again, I know). The women I met were so diverse; some had corporate jobs, some were gipsies. Some were religious, some were not. It was truly amazing to be a part of. People who were so different in so many ways were able to come together, in silence, and learn. It gave me a sense of peace that I had never experienced before. 

I know that I got out a lot from the experience. To this day, it is one of the most challenging things that I have ever done, and I am eternally grateful. It sounds super 'hippy' because it is. It's not the norm, but it's so worth it. I'd like to go again, but this time as a volunteer. The retreat doesn't cost a dime, they simply rely on donations. The men and women who cooked our meals volunteered their time to do so. Some volunteered for months, and some volunteered for a few days. The instructors don't receive any pay, the donations simply go towards keeping the lights on and the grounds running. If you do have a chance, I highly recommend going.

If you are interested in attending here is the website. 

I had to take a selfie. No one would believe me otherwise. Or maybe they would? I can see it being a "Julia" thing.

09/2016

Thanks for reading.

Namaste

(Kidding, this isn't yoga)